I practice a lifestyle I call “stupid hedonism” where instead of axting to.maximize my pleasure I mostly just do wharver j want and then face the consequences :/
September approaching…I feel I owe myself a brief respite of leisure and no rushing around. I can’t face the dead reality. I want rainy days, lanterns and a hundred moons twining in dark leaves, music spilling out and echoing yet inside my head.
Sylvia Plath, from a letter to Aurelia Plath written c. August 1951
“Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o'clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have two. Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you, but have a drink with them anyways. Eat slowly. Tip your server. Check in on your friends. Check in on yourself. Enjoy the ride.”
I think it’s an unrecognized practice to allow yourself to outgrow and shed versions of yourself that were more socially successful than who you want or need to be now. Not every new chapter is bigger and bolder and hotter, I think that’s a very modern social media “glow up” mindset and doesn’t actually have any room for what real transformation looks like. Sometimes we change exactly as we need to and it’s not what anyone else was hoping for and that’s part of it being important and true.
“the sea doesn’t care about you!!” ok well just because the ocean is unspeakably powerful and can’t stop the rhythm she’s held for uncountable eons just for one person doesn’t mean she can’t love you. loving and changing are two different things. we wouldn’t have life without the ocean…. and yeah, if you don’t respect her and treat her cavalierly, you’ll perish. but how can anyone say the sea doesn’t mourn when she holds so much life and beautiful secrets in her belly? why are we putting atheism on the ocean that loves us?
you want the ocean to change for YOU? you think that being tamed is the only way for her to prove her love??? go sit on a rock by the seaside and listen to the tide. find some gratitude for one of the only things in existence that always keeps its promise to come back
growing up by the sea really makes you understand why sailors were Like That back in the day. yeah the sea is the love of my life and i’m nothing to her but my heart belongs to her and her alone. she’s a cruel, uncaring temptress and she wants to steal me away and eat me alive but to die in her cold, dark abyssal embrace would be such a wonderful way to die.
like there comes a point where you think something is fundamentally wrong with you. and then it turns out it’s just Friday and you haven’t washed your hair in three days and maybe you’re also just a little lonely and the combination of all three of those things is whittling a hole into your chest every time you breathe. but also the sun’s up. and you’ve survived everything so far, so you’ll survive this too, even if it hurts, even if you have to survive it many times.
